But my prior post to you was he wants a M on his terms only. And that week he just seemed to be so distraught, texting me non stop, telling me how scared he was about everything, how hes not ready to divorce, etc. Go to the library or the mall and just disappear on him. You have heard all the same stuff we all have. I have not always been the best partner. He may be saying Im not talking to the OW but hes not saying who he is talking to until 2 am. It was a combination of things. He is saying he doesnt want to change. Leaving you in limbo is unfair and its not a game. The OW was history and he was doing everything possible to make amends. My CH knew the affairs were wrong and hurtful, but couldnt see the harm in keeping a young, 20 something friend. Yeah, whatever we do is seems very wrong. My H had one. Now in her 40s she had left it too late to have a baby and it had totally fucked her up. All of my actions have done nothing to move her away from the AP. I begged pleaded discussed etc. And I believed it. When you become less available you may see a change. I thought we turned the corner. Thank you for another dose of great advice. We were cordial, didnt say much to eachother. Sometimes I feel like he is feeling positively towards me and then sometimes I think he really cant wait to just get out the door. But I get so upset bc I know if he is still speaking with her, he should in NO WAY be living in our home. My world fell apart that day..there is no way I had the where with all to pull my husband out of his fog. I dont understand it. I found out (6 months pregnant) that he was having an affair. Its not fair to live this way he is either in or out. I come from a long line of strong women. I have lived EXACTLY what you are living. When I found out he had been seeing her behind my back I reslized the affair was not my fault. You cannot control your Hs actions but you csn control how YOU react. But I just dont know how to act. But then I think about the OW and its like everything comes crumbling down around me. She was surprised and said OK. He is expecting you to give in to him. I hope you find a good counselor to support you through this. 5 years later we reconciled and we are happy. It almost felt like there were no problems leaving the PA. I keep drawing back to all the good memories and it makes me sad that my kids have such a dysfunctional secretive father who is likely now showing his true colours. Yeah, did not like that. Im sure he never shed a tear for my pain the pain he deliberately created and caused he was heartbroken at as he put it for ME forcing him to hurt an innocent real good woman ( I explained in detail I am a real good woman my mother and grandmother are REAL GOOD WOMEN and I for one am disgusted and offended and made me want to throw up at his daring to put a serial adultering street walking prostitute in his mind or my life as anywhere near a REAL GOOD WOMAN since we dont cheat and screw other womens husbands his whores all did just that) who did nothing wrong man I was exploding pissed off i told him I was the ONLY innocent GOOD WOMAN he ever had promised GOD to never hurt and him and his whore could hang themselves in hell . Regardless, keep focusing on yourself and your kids. Do not let him blame you for any results b/c that is blameshifting and cheaters love to cast the Blame for their A on everyone else. I was afraid to upset you, I was afraid to do anything that would look negatively on me, and I regret all that. But looking back, the thing that I did that I shouldnt have done was I never stopped telling you that I loved you, and that I wanted to be with you. Tell him that this is not what you expected when you married and had children.
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